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Matty the "Venmo Valentine" wants to be your Venmo buddy - BFFs 4 EVAR!

Matty the "Venmo Valentine" wants to be your Venmo buddy - BFFs 4 EVAR! - image
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There is a specter haunting the halls of Congress, and his name is Matt.


He is a man of questionable character, a man who lives for the thrill of the moment, who will do anything to stay in the spotlight.

I first met Matt in the lobby of the Trump International Hotel, where he was holding court with a group of reporters. He was wearing a garish suit that looked like it had been made from the American flag, and he was spouting off about some new conspiracy theory involving Hillary Clinton and the Illuminati.

"Listen, man," he said to me when he noticed me standing nearby. "You wanna know the truth about what's really going on in this town? You gotta talk to me. I'm the only one who's got the balls to tell it like it is."

I didn't believe him, of course. I've been around this game long enough to know that guys like Matt are a dime a dozen. But there was something about his manic energy, his wild eyes, his MASSIVE forehead and rapid-fire speech, that intrigued me. I decided to follow him for a while, see where he was going.

It didn't take long for me to realize that Matt was more than just another blowhard politician. He was a force of nature, a man who lived on the edge of sanity and chaos. He was always looking for the next big thrill, the next opportunity to meet with girls from the local high schools.

I watched as he took to the House floor and railed against the "deep state" and the "fake news media." I watched as he cozied up to Donald Trump and became one of his most vocal defenders. I watched as he led the charge to overturn the election results, even after the insurrection at the Capitol.

Through it all, Matt remains a true believer, a man who truly thought he was fighting for the people. He is just another power-hungry politician, looking to advance his own career at any cost.

Matt is a man who has been consumed by the game of politics, who sees it as a never-ending battle between good and evil. He is a man who craves attention, who will say and do anything to get it. He is a man who has lost touch with reality, who lives in a world of his own making.

But there is something else there too, something deeper and darker. Matt is a man who is attracted to youth, afraid of being forgotten. He is a man who knows that his time in the spotlight is limited, that eventually he will be swept aside by the tide of history. And so he fights on, a man on a mission, a man who searchs for forbidden fruit.

I don't know what the future holds for Matty. I don't know if he will be remembered as a hero or a criminal, as a man who stood up for what he believed in or a man who sold his soul to the highest bidder. But I do know this: he is a man who embodies everything that is wrong with our political system, a man who is both the symptom and the disease.

And as long as men like him are allowed to roam free in the halls of power, our democracy will be in danger.

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Matty the "Venmo Valentine" wants to be your Venmo buddy - BFFs 4 EVAR!

▼ SCROLL DOWN ▼

There is a specter haunting the halls of Congress, and his name is Matt.


He is a man of questionable character, a man who lives for the thrill of the moment, who will do anything to stay in the spotlight.

I first met Matt in the lobby of the Trump International Hotel, where he was holding court with a group of reporters. He was wearing a garish suit that looked like it had been made from the American flag, and he was spouting off about some new conspiracy theory involving Hillary Clinton and the Illuminati.

"Listen, man," he said to me when he noticed me standing nearby. "You wanna know the truth about what's really going on in this town? You gotta talk to me. I'm the only one who's got the balls to tell it like it is."

I didn't believe him, of course. I've been around this game long enough to know that guys like Matt are a dime a dozen. But there was something about his manic energy, his wild eyes, his MASSIVE forehead and rapid-fire speech, that intrigued me. I decided to follow him for a while, see where he was going.

It didn't take long for me to realize that Matt was more than just another blowhard politician. He was a force of nature, a man who lived on the edge of sanity and chaos. He was always looking for the next big thrill, the next opportunity to meet with girls from the local high schools.

I watched as he took to the House floor and railed against the "deep state" and the "fake news media." I watched as he cozied up to Donald Trump and became one of his most vocal defenders. I watched as he led the charge to overturn the election results, even after the insurrection at the Capitol.

Through it all, Matt remains a true believer, a man who truly thought he was fighting for the people. He is just another power-hungry politician, looking to advance his own career at any cost.

Matt is a man who has been consumed by the game of politics, who sees it as a never-ending battle between good and evil. He is a man who craves attention, who will say and do anything to get it. He is a man who has lost touch with reality, who lives in a world of his own making.

But there is something else there too, something deeper and darker. Matt is a man who is attracted to youth, afraid of being forgotten. He is a man who knows that his time in the spotlight is limited, that eventually he will be swept aside by the tide of history. And so he fights on, a man on a mission, a man who searchs for forbidden fruit.

I don't know what the future holds for Matty. I don't know if he will be remembered as a hero or a criminal, as a man who stood up for what he believed in or a man who sold his soul to the highest bidder. But I do know this: he is a man who embodies everything that is wrong with our political system, a man who is both the symptom and the disease.

And as long as men like him are allowed to roam free in the halls of power, our democracy will be in danger.


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